Hooded trio seeks to destroy Monks, who they say have imprisoned us in a 'false reality'

Os Guardioes da Besta holds torches, vows freedom from Monks.
Photo by Persephone Bolero-Trenton

By Persephone Bolero-Trenton 

AMAZON — A trio of hooded strangers, wearing dark robes, descended upon the Xoco camp, a lesbian tribe, on Wednesday to announce their intentions of destroying the Monks. 

They call themselves the “Os Guardioes da Besta,” and they say they are here to save the members of community. From what isn’t exactly clear, but it has something to do with the Monks. 

"We are here to light your path! Here to set you free! Here to make you connect with Mighty Great God Mapinguari Beast!" a female member of the group told the Amazon River Sun.

According to the one called the High Keeper, the Monks are controlling us with some kind of false reality.

“It's not abstract. It's a real danger, real prison of the mind that monks have created to trap us!” the High Keeper averred.

The trio said their — let’s call it an organization — doesn’t have orgies, because one of the females in the trio objects. However, they do have cookies.

Despite the offering of cookies and salvation, the Xoco and their guests didn’t appear too enthusiastic about the organization’s mission or its members. One male associate of the Xoco tribe, which are lesbian natives, described them as a “cult.”

“I have heard about their group, and that they and the monks are like two sides of a coin or something like that. I made notes about that, but I have no idea if that source is reliable either. But sounded like it, at least,” Shui said.

The High Keeper assured concerned members of the lesbian Xocos that the members of his organization pose no danger to anyone. However, he warned that complacency with the false reality of the Monks will come with great peril.

The High Keeper declined to discuss exactly how they plan to destroy the Monks, saying that it would be foolish to reveal their tactics and allow the Monks to mount a defense.