After hundreds of deaths from disease and starvation, this tribe is trying to help - may be tied to sex cult

By Persephone Bolero-Trenton

AMAZON - Take a walk down any trail in the jungle, and you’re likely to encounter a corpse or someone nearing the end of their life as a result of predators, starvation or various diseases. Now, one tribe is helping to stem the flow of death in the Amazon.

The Tapirape partnered with agencies within the Brazilian government to found Feed the Jungle™. The charity provides food and other survival items to natives, but it also helps tourists and immigrants to the jungle. According to Whispering Wind, Shaman of the Tapirape, the tribe decided to extend its services to needy non-natives due to the negative impact they have on the natives’ lives.

“I met some representatives of the Brazilian government at Gallivant's clearing and we discuss possibility of helping the tourists so they would cause less problems to the natives,” Whispering Wind, Shaman of the Tapirape, told the Amazon River Sun.

Whispering Wind with her husband's butt.
File photo

 

Besides food and survival training, the charity also provides vaccinations. According to Bubba Oh, a member of the tribe, the charity may also have another purpose. 

“The charity may be to benefit the poor, but it may also be the cover of a sex cult organized by our Shaman and the Monks!" the perpetually naked native said. As of press time, the Sun was unable to confirm if the statement is true.

The official mission of the charity, according to a pamphlet the group hands out, is to help “those in distress in the jungle, whether due to plane crashes, getting lost, shipwrecks, or fleeing financial troubles. Recognizing these individuals can unintentionally disrupt local communities, we provide food, medical aid, and guidance to ensure their safety while minimizing the impact on natives. Through donations and essential supplies, we aim to foster a harmonious coexistence in the jungle.”

Those wishing to find help for their poverty and diseases — which is very common in the jungle due to the lack of adequate, modern infrastructure that the natives shun — can talk to a member of the Tapirape at their camp. The tribe also occasionally holds healing and feeding events at Gallivant’s Clearing.

Donations are being collected at the Tapirape camp. For 50 coins per month, you can feed a starving native or help vaccinate a tourist against cholera.

‘One of a kind’ seeker claims to be a virgin despite multiple advances from the Xoco

 

Shira de la Tour-Landry, the jungle's only male seeker

 

By Persephone Bolero-Trenton

AMAZON - Many of us have sought out the elusive seekers. Gaining their favor grants us fleeting access to the extraterrestrial technologies that permanently energize our bodies. Common knowledge says that these creatures are always nude and female, but so are many natives. That leaves only one distinguishing characteristic to identify them by — the seekers’ telltale slingshots. 

It turns out, the slingshots may be the only identifying mark of these imps. The Monks, for reasons that remain hidden, have decided to populate their seeker army with males. This fact may be surprising to many of you, but apparently the Amazon River News announced this nearly two years ago. With its low readership, it’s likely most in the jungle never saw the article. 

The Amazon River Sun, the jungle’s most widely read news source, stumbled upon this male seeker recently. He was wearing the obligatory slingshot on his thigh, and were it not for the penis dangling near it, he might not have garnered a second glance. Shira de la Tour-Landry tells the Sun that he is thus far the only male seeker in the Monks’ army. 

“I’m one of a kind,” he said. 

While all the other seekers seem quite content to be unclothed, with no concerns about how unsanitary the practice may be, Shira said he doesn’t particularly like it. 

“Honestly it was really hard for me to walk around here naked. Girls are somehow prettier. But anyway, it's part of the job and I've gotten used to it by now,” Shira said. 

Shira has learned to survive the savagery of the jungle, as all us survivors have. He has deep scars across his handsome face. These indelible wounds are what a jaguar left him some time ago, an incident that cost him an eye.

Apparently, being so unique amongst an elusive tribe has some sex appeal. Shira said that the Xocos constantly hit on him. Yet, he has never given into these temptations. This isn’t because he finds them unattractive. Rather, he said, seekers aren’t allowed to have friends or lovers, and he has high standards.

"I was lonely, and I still am. But that is the fate of the seekers. We're not allowed to enter into long-term relationships. We serve the Monks, seeking those who are worthy of their blessing,” Shira said. Besides, “I'm picky. No clue if there will arise someone one day.” 

After being informed that seekers have been known to frolic with the human populations, and at times these encounters were consensual, Shira was surprised. 

"What? Maccus told me different stuff. Well, I might try to get some more information soon,” Shira said, referring to one such Monk. 

Despite his rather pleasant demeanor, the male seeker said people have an aversion to him. 

“People often don't dare to approach me, because they don't know about male seekers,” Shira said. 

Shira said his memories as a toddler are “hazy,” and he has little memory of the Void, where these seekers are raised and educated. 

“My first thoughts turn only to a strict education and training by the Monks in this Void. With a few other children, only girls, I learned the Monks' wisdom, as well as the peculiarities of life in the jungle,” he said.

Surprisingly, the Monks do not conduct co-ed classrooms, so Shira was educated separately from his female counterparts. 

“They were all so cute, but I was strictly separated from them. I only saw a few of them in class,” he said.

While most women and so-inclined men would find the slender seeker attractive — as apparently many Xoco do — Shira swears that he is still a virgin, making him all the more unique among this tribe. 

“I've always adhered to the celibacy that was imposed on me,” Shira said. 

Having learned that he may have misunderstood the restrictions on carnal pleasures, he may soon learn they are, in fact, available to him. Whether he acts on this opportunity or not, only time will tell. But knowing that a virgin walks these lands, he may soon find a lot more attention from members of our community drawn to the allure of defiling innocence.