From The Amazon To Orbit, Plus Girl Detective In Trouble Again

 

Zao Wucan meets with President Donald Trump
in the Oval Office. Courtesy photo

 

 Press release courtesy of Zao Prosperity Company, LLC

From high Earth orbit to the Amazon River Basin, a commanding voice boomed forth over the shortwave radio.

“Greetings to all Amazon-type persons from the command chair of 春卷 (Chūn Juǎn), first of Zao Prosperity Corporation’s Amazon-based, eco-friendly, sustainable, and volunteer-built spaceplanes!”

Zao Wucan, CEO of ZPC, announced the great news for our entire planet yesterday, after a whirlwind political tour of the United States to assure NASA and The White House that all US-branded technologies used to make the spacecraft were legally purchased. Moreover, Mr. Wucan stated that any future advancements from ZPC’s latest venture would be shared exclusively “with the most honorable and honest President in history of the world.”

Sources indicate that Mr. Wucan made the deal with an eager US Administration, concerned the Elon Musk, enraged over launch delays for his Starship mega-rocket, posted a cryptic entry on his X social network. Musk threatened to fly Starship into orbit himself without a space suit or even clothing, except for “my SpaceX-branded whitey tighties.” To hedge their bets in case Musk comes further unglued, the President cut one of his famous deals, though other sources say that he did not, or was unable to, read the fine print prepared by ZPC.

 

Wrongly convicted Wo-Fat Wucan

 

The ZPC CEO announced this joint venture with the United States just after the President signed, in a large Sharpie, an Executive Order pardoning Wo-Fat Wucan, Zao’s wrongly-accused brother who has been languishing in a Midwestern prison for years, under the utterly false charge of having burned down the Jade Monkey Restaurant, resulting in the death of several employees.

A group of ZPC employees, known in English as “The Dim Sum Boys,” landed the Chūn Juǎn at an undisclosed US location to pick up Wo-Fat, whose girth from prison food, as well as his collections of Hawaiian shirts, rare jade chess-sets, complete library of Nancy Dreww mysteries in multiple editions and languages, as well as a “prized selection of naughty Nancy Dreww action figures and inflatable dolls” severely tested the new spacecraft’s cargo capacity.

 

The Dim Sum Boys

 

Zao Wucan then shared with the public additional information, his lower lip curling into a scowl.

“Girl Spy who works for cabal of billionaire oligarchs from unnamed nation, aka Nancy Dreww, also known as Nancy Palfrey, now is formally charged in US and Chinese courts with terrorist attack on ZPC’s data center in Amazon River Basin!”

Nancy Palfrey File photo

 

Grainy video footage ran on a monitor aboard the spaceplane, showing two figures setting out a satchel near a cave entrance. The camera went dark in a flash of light and falling debris. “ZPC has video evidence of her evil deed.”

The data center is under repair after “so-called ‘girl detective’ plant BOMB on ZPC property! Happy volunteer hippie eco-tourists from ZPC’s bespoke jungle resort, under direct supervision of Fung Jao, ZPC Director Of Security, worked triple-shifts to restore access, clearing rocks with bare hands.”

Mr. Wucan stated that he plans to hand Nancy over to authorities after she has been “completely probed, um, questioned, by ZPC’s internal-security office.”

Once again, the firm offered “big bag of volunteer-gathered, sustainable diamonds” for the apprehension of Nancy Dreww, if seen in the Amazon again. “We have evidence that maybe she leave Amazon for parts unknown,” The CEO said with a smirk. “Parts VERY unknown.”

-Press release by Miss Lotus Seed, Public Relations officer of Zao Prosperity Co. LLC.