Reward: Monkey Business at Eco-Tourist Enterprise

Photos courtesy Zao Prosperity Company, LLC

 Press release courtesy of Zao Prosperity Company, LLC

Two eco-tourists have vanished. These tourists volunteered at the sustainable diamond-mining startup run by Zao Wucan, the visionary CEO of Zao Prosperity Company, LLC. As always, a reward of 20 diamonds is offered by Mr. Wucan for information about their whereabouts.

"One was very nice hippie-type lady, Miss Prudence Riptide, keen on saving jungle by hand-extracting diamonds in Skull-Cave area," Mr. Wucan said from his beachfront CEO suite in Mama Allpa.

"Company employees report large non-native chimpanzee-type primate with enormous," Mr. Wucan paused, discretely, "piece of equipment near diamond mines. We fear nice lady been dragged off for lovey-dovey with hairy-ape!"

"Extra-special high-tech camera designed by Zao's wrongly imprisoned brother, Wo-Fat Wucan,  capture ape in action." The CEO provided a G-rated image of the well-endowed primate.

The other volunteer, PhD candidate Zebulon Haroldsen, had been doing research for his doctoral thesis about non-contacted tribes, when he volunteered "to work in happy company of other volunteer miners, completely of own will!" said Mr. Wucan.

Zao admits that the ape "probably not play for both teams" and may have been attracted by "nudist preferences of happy volunteers working in mines." 

Volunteers during last happy adventure in Zao mines.

Mr. Haroldsen may also have been "high on native produce or kidnapped by commercial rivals" to harm ZPC LLC's philanthropic and completely honest business in the upper Amazon.  "We get to bottom of matter with ZPC security force!" Zao said, gesturing darkly to a group of burly men in the outer offices "Mister Ginger-Root Dumpling and Mister Crispy Duck plan lesson never to be forgotten for anyone who mess with our happy business."

Zao's firm has been troubled by the loss of a company laptop as well as the appearance of a severed head near the guest-cabanas used by ZPC LLC volunteers. "Can you believe it? Some people say things awful, like Zao build time machine or secret space-plane in Amazon and attempt to rule world! What fake news! Remember, best to be happy, as being happy bring happiness!"

The CEO reminded everyone that the rewards for the safe returns of Riptide and Haroldsen will be ongoing "until they back in mines, digging happily for our firm!"

Zao Wucan, CEO of Zao Prosperity Company, LLC

Somewhere in the distance, a whip cracked and a scream followed. Zao laughed "Oh, that just karaoke night at ZPC's new beach-type resort! We do dramatic re-enactment of Devo 'Whip It' video from Big 80s. You know! When problem comes along, you must whip it!"

Editor's note: Perverted primates in the jungle have been known to steal clothing. The Amazon River Sun believes the Zao case is the first instance of a primate kidnapping and doing god-knows-what to the captives.

-Press release by Miss Lotus Seed, Public Relations officer of Zao Prosperity Co. LLC.