A guide to the best places to have sex in the Amazon

Photos by a local voyeur

 

By Persephone Bolero

AMAZON -- Readers of the Sun know I have a list of complaints concerning the natives. But there is one aspect of native culture in which I must admit the natives are the advanced people. 

I’m talking about sex. The civilized world has cured diseases, raised standards of living, and become obese with prosperity. Yet, for reasons I’ve never understood, this advanced world decided somewhere after the fall of Rome that sex is something dangerous. It sought to control, confine, and in some cases, eradicate carnal pleasures entirely. 

Meanwhile, natives display a general acceptance of coital couplings or triplings where ever and whenever the mood may strike. I wish my fellow city folk would come to realize that the best orgasms are enjoyed beneath the stars or basking in the rays of the sun, but alas, they are being left behind in this regard.

If you are among those who eschew four walls when in the throes of passion, this guide will help you find the ideal atmosphere in the jungle for your next outdoor adventure. Whether you are a couple looking for romance, a group of friends seeking a venue for your lurid party, or a captor looking for a quiet spot for to take your captive and celebrate your victory, the jungle has something for everyone.

A comprehensive list would be far too great of an undertaking for a single article, so we here at the Sun may revisit this topic again the future. For now, please feel free to comment with your suggestions of the best places to unleash your inhibitions. 

 

Cenote (Best place for romance):

For those who like a little atmosphere for their love making, couples can go down to Cenote to go down on each other.

You and your lover — or lovers — can strip away your garments at the top and plunge into cool waters below. The shock of going from humid heat to cold water provides some exhilaration to whet your pallet before you fully indulge your appetites.

A dock provides the ideal setting for a picnic, where you can nibble upon grapes picked fresh from the vine while your lover pleasures you. Cliffs rise high above a cool pool below, where the dim lights from above reflect upon the stony walls surrounding its banks. The wavy blueness creates a mood of cool romance as things get hot, and moans, grunts, and heavy breaths will reverberate off the stony walls to surround couples in a chorus of their own pleasures.

Cenote is best reached by way of the Deep Drop gate location. From there, hike north a ways until you come to a gate near some strawberry bushes. 

Red Coast Beach (Best place for threesomes or moresomes): 

 

For those who don’t mind a bit of a hike, far to the east of Gallivant’s Clearing is the Red Coast Resort. It has some of the most beautiful beaches in the Amazon. While the bar and pool offer distinguished couples a classy spot for their trysts, the wide assortment of furniture is a great location for a tasteful orgy. 

The beach contains wide blankets with plenty of room for two to four, and the lounge chairs provide comfort to those who like to watch the activities around them. The staff are friendly and serve the finest in top-shelf libations. The rooms are clean and comfortable should you decide to party through the night and not want to walk home. 

The Red Coast can be reached reached via the gates or tunnels, with clearly labeled exits. The amenities are many, but they don’t come cheap. So bring plenty of coins.  

 

Beautiful Falls: (Best place for sunshine):  

 

 

Beautiful Falls neighbors Turtle Beach, and it offers the ideal location for those who like to get a tan while pleasuring and being pleasured. 

The destination has a crystal-clear water pond fed by falls that crash down from the pyramid looming over the spot. At the center of the pond is a raft with a comfortable mattress upon it. It doesn’t have a lot of room for a third person, but couples can enjoy some time together while the mist from the falls leaves cool droplets on their bare skin. 

The pond empties into the ocean, and beneath the roar of the falls is the gentle lapping of the waves. Should you prefer a quieter spot on the beach, there is a a wooden patio hanging from some palm trees next to the river delta, away from the falls. 

Beautiful Falls is best reached via the tunnels at Gullivant’s Clearing. There’s a tunnel exit that pops out at Turtle Beach, and the falls are just a quick hike from there.  

 

 Suni’s Bar: (Best place to get down and dirty):  

 

 

Suni’s Bar opened earlier this year, and despite repeated health-code violations, it’s managed to outlast its competitors. For those who like it dirty, Suni’s bar puts the gross in doing the nasty. This is the ideal location for people to truly fuck. Couples can go at it upon the stain-covered pool table, the stain-covered trestle table, or the stain-covered bar stools. Moans will mix with the buzzing of flies and the scurrying of rats, while the stench will help mask any bodily odors that come out during the encounter. 

Unlike the Red Coast, Suni’s bar has only beer, but it’s cheap and plentiful, which can be helpful when trying to get your date in the mood. For those who prefer a bit of privacy, the spot behind the dumpster will give you some cover for your clandestine encounter. Just watch out for the puddles, as it also serves as the only restroom at the dive. 

Suni's Bar is best reached via the Gates. Just take the Mosquito Bay location and head west. If you get lost, just follow the smell of rotting meat.  

 

Gallivant’s Clearing: (Best place for exhibitionists):  

 

Gallivant’s Clearing is known colloquially as “the landing.” This highly trafficked spot is the ideal location for those who like an audience. Newcomers from across the globe will often pass through Gallivant’s Clearing, and what better way to show them just how exotic the Amazon is than to let them see you and your lover going at it as if it were nothing. 

Aside from a couple chairs, there isn’t much furniture for your encounter at the Clearing. So, it’s a good idea to bring a blanket and some pillows, unless, of course, you prefer the masochistic qualities of laying your back on the hard ground.