Amazon River Sun

Sunday, June 28, 2026

Animal rights proponents voice concerns about Xoco ceremony, others disappointed no virgins were sacrificed

Xoco Chieftess Khaing Zar denied violating
endangered species laws
Photos by Persephone Bolero-Trenton

By Persephone Bolero-Trenton

AMAZON — Controversy erupted Saturday after a dead animal served as an alternate sacrifice to the Lord Inti, the sun god.

The Xoco, a lesbian tribe, had planned to sacrifice a live human to Inti, but the unnamed virgin girl who was to be sacrificed had a scheduling conflict, Xoco Chieftess Khaing Zar told the worshippers at Saturday’s ceremony.

Zar said that members of her lesbian tribe had also raised concerns about Zar cutting into the chest of a young virgin woman to rip her heart out and display it before the crowd.

The disemboweled animal was placed on an altar

Rather than cancel the event and hope Inti doesn’t throw a temper tantrum about it, the ceremony proceeded with a pre-disembowled deer. However, the decision to swap sacrifices didn’t sit well with all members of the lesbian tribe.

"Such wondrously primitive theater. We slaughter hapless beasts, hoping this messy butchery will somehow jog the eternal Sun's memory to rise again. Yes, pile the altar with pointless carcasses! Surely the cosmos eagerly relies upon our profound theatrics,” Goo, a member of the lesbian tribe, said with considerable sarcasm in her tone.

"What the fuck did they do to that deer?" Monkey asks

Others also expressed disappointment that they didn’t get to see a young girl murdered and mutilated.

Zar may have also ran afoul of Brazilian law concerning the killing of certain species. Sunisa Minoptra, an alleged police officer and loyal follower of the Xoco chieftess, noted that the animal is a Marsh Deer, which is a protected species.

"What a lovely ceremony, chieftess. Makes me proud to be a Xoco. Also, you'll be receiving a fine for killing an endangered species,” Minoptra said.

Inti, god of the sun

Zar suggested that she may fight the charges in court. She said the deer was slaughtered by anatomy students at a university in Sao Paulo, who apparently decided to disembowel the animal, freeze it, and ship it to a remote location in the Amazon where it would be used in a primitive religious ceremony, as part of their anatomy studies.

The removal of the animal’s heart was followed by some prayers about saving the Earth or something.

Whispering Wind, Tapirape shaman

Whispering Wind, a member of the cannabis-focused Tapirape, expressed gratitude for their lesbian neighbors and other tribes.

“May the Sun warm your days. May the rivers guide your journeys. May the forest shelter your dreams. May your crops grow tall. May your children laugh often. May your cooking never burn. And may the monkeys choose someone else to throw fruit at,” Wind said.

Morgana, member of the Xoco

Cattan's butt

Wednesday, June 17, 2026

Hooded trio seeks to destroy Monks, who they say have imprisoned us in a 'false reality'

Os Guardioes da Besta holds torches, vows freedom from Monks.
Photo by Persephone Bolero-Trenton

By Persephone Bolero-Trenton

AMAZON — A trio of hooded strangers, wearing dark robes, descended upon the Xoco camp, a lesbian tribe, on Wednesday to announce their intentions of destroying the Monks.

They call themselves the “Os Guardioes da Besta,” and they say they are here to save the members of community. From what isn’t exactly clear, but it has something to do with the Monks.

"We are here to light your path! Here to set you free! Here to make you connect with Mighty Great God Mapinguari Beast!" a female member of the group told the Amazon River Sun.

According to the one called the High Keeper, the Monks are controlling us with some kind of false reality.

“It's not abstract. It's a real danger, real prison of the mind that monks have created to trap us!” the High Keeper averred.

The trio said their — let’s call it an organization — doesn’t have orgies, because one of the females in the trio objects. However, they do have cookies.

Despite the offering of cookies and salvation, the Xoco and their guests didn’t appear too enthusiastic about the organization’s mission or its members. One male associate of the Xoco tribe, which are lesbian natives, described them as a “cult.”

“I have heard about their group, and that they and the monks are like two sides of a coin or something like that. I made notes about that, but I have no idea if that source is reliable either. But sounded like it, at least,” Shui said.

The High Keeper assured concerned members of the lesbian Xocos that the members of his organization pose no danger to anyone. However, he warned that complacency with the false reality of the Monks will come with great peril.

The High Keeper declined to discuss exactly how they plan to destroy the Monks, saying that it would be foolish to reveal their tactics and allow the Monks to mount a defense.

Thursday, March 19, 2026

Libertad resort maid creates special site to pay for losses suffered in robbery

By Persephone Bolero-Trenton

AMAZON — Beauty Batriani, head maid at the Libertad Resort, has created a "Lonely Fanatics" site. She hopes to raise $40,000 to pay off debts she incurred as a result of a resent robbery.

On March 15, a man that Batriani describes has “hairy and naked” and possibly Italian held a knife to her throat and forced her to open a safe. For reasons that are not clear, he did not take advantage of the helpless woman.

"He sort of spanked me until I passed out, and I may have orgasmed. But I made a police report, and that part is not part of record,” Batriani told the Sun.

The safe contained $30,000 in petty cash as well as passports of various staff members.

Batriani was recently promoted to head maid after the former head maid, Bertha Mae Ruby, put too much bleach in the laundry.

Subscribers can view uncensored photos.

The resort has suffered considerable staffing problems after its owner, Libertad First Lady Eve Heartsong, CEO of Libertad Holdings LLC, went on vacation for an indefinite period.

This left Persephone Bolero-Trenton, human resources manager and publisher of the Amazon River Sun, in charge of the resort. Subsequently, the head of security, Yami, also resigned without notice.

With a skeleton crew operating the resort, Batriani was expected to provide security services, which she failed to do.

Turning to her only other skillset, she established her "Lonely Fanatics" page, and fans can subscribe for $10 per month, which grants them access to her premium content. With 100 subscribers, Batriani expects to pay off her debt within three years.

Anyone with information leading to the arrest of the thief could reduce that time, assuming he forks over the cash.

Carnival Queen Riven wins third place in Jungle Bastard pizza-making contest

Pizza chef Riven won third place.
Photos by Persephone Bolero-Trenton

By Persephone Bolero-Trenton

AMAZON — The Jungle Bastards held a pizza-making contest in their Red Coast suburb Wednesday. Riven, who was crowned Carnival Queen in February, took third place in the contest.

Riven deftly rolls dough

The event was led by Tony, as he’s known, who is said to be a trained pizza chef and connoisseur of all things Italian.

Riven carefully applies pizza sauce

"I mean, my pizza might not look the prettiest, but I'm sure it's the tastiest,” Riven declared.

Riven sprinkles cheese with a practiced hand.

Riven displayed her culinary skills, starting with the kneading of the dough. After rolling it into a wider shape, she deftly spun it between her fingers, stretching it out without tearing.

Chef Tony compliments Riven's skills.

She then applied the sauce in even circles, using a calm and precise technique, which suggested she was well practiced in the art of pizza making.

She sprinkled the cheese with a light touch, her fingers seeming to catch each grated piece to guide it into an even layer on the pizza.

Riven sizes up the competition.

Between sprinkles, she would lift her eyes to size up the competition with a confident gaze. “I’m about to make this real dangerous,” she averred.

The pizza chef then layered pepperoni, which melted away into cheese while it baked. Riven watched the process with a keen eye, measuring the bubble of the crust as it turned golden brown.

Riven shuffles out the pepperoni like a boss.

Then, she slid the peel like glass under her creation and dropped it on a silver tray.

“Yeah… that’s it right there,” she said as the pizza cooled. She was subsequently judged to be the third-place winner in the event.

Savannah Vielle took first, and Beauty Batriani took second.

Riven, right, stands with the winners on the podium.

Mama Mia!

Monday, March 2, 2026

Amazon River Sun movie matinee a success, future shows promised

Dozens attended the first Sunday Matinee

By Amazon River Sun staff

AMAZON — On Sunday, Persephone Bolero-Trenton, publisher of the Amazon River Sun and American ex-pat, introduced the Amazon to the culture of her homeland, Hollywood.

The Los Angeles native presented a Sunday Matinee featuring the Hollywood movie "Predator," sponsored by the Amazon River Sun.

"While the Amazon has its own rich culture, I thought it would be further enriched by the wholesome values that only a big-budget Hollywood blockbuster can convey," Bolero-Trenton told the Sun.

Silvia Martel: "Come with me if you want to live."

She explained that "Predator" teaches viewers about the values of courage, resourcefulness, overcoming adversity.

"The alien never gives up. Even when all hope seemed lost, he still tried to take out the main character with a giant bomb he was apparently wearing," Bolero-Trenton said.

The movie was well attended, and Bolero-Trenton said the Sun is planning to hold future matinees as part of its ongoing cultural enrichment program.

Jungle Bastards throw 'onsen' party, and lots of people danced naked

Photo courtesy Jungle Bastards

By Persephone Bolero-Trenton

AMAZON —The Jungle Bastards Saturday threw a party at their compound on the Red Coast.

Due to complications, the Amazon River Sun staff was unable to attend. However, sources tell the Sun that the party was well attended and lasted five hours.

Friday, February 27, 2026

A couple of Bastards awarded top prizes in Carnival Ball

By Persephone Bolero-Trenton

AMAZON — The Jungle Bastards took home the top prizes in the Carnival Ball Sunday.

Riven was crowned Carnival Queen and Merek was selected as the Carnival King.

Riven holds the Jungle Bastards' standard

“Thank you all who voted. Thanks Jungle Bastards who's no doubt the best faction in town,” the queen declared upon taking her trophy, and she promised that she wouldn’t steal anyone’s MOJO.

“NOT!” Riven added.

Merek invited the jungle to visit the Bastards’ hot spring on the Red Coast “if you fancy a soak.”

Merek was crowned carnival king

The event — which was organized by Catten, Whispering Wind and Summer — brought out dozens of partygoers dressed in colorful Mardi Gras costumes. Here are just some of the ones that stood out.