Local pest-control expert organizes hunt to save Amazon citizens from dangerous pink flamingos

 

August, center, stands on the podium as the top hunter
in Sunday's Flamingo hunt. She is flanked on her left by
Silvia, who took second, and Micke, who took third.
Photos by Persephone Bolero-Trenton

 

By Persephone Bolero-Trenton

AMAZON — Citizens of the Amazon rose up Sunday against the scourge of pink flamingos that have long terrorized the Amazon community.

For years, residents complained that they live in fear of these vile creatures. People have reported being victims of random beakings and robberies by roaming gangs of the pink birds. When the animals aren’t stealing from the good people of our community, flamingos are known to leave droppings on people’s porches, chew with their mouths open, and sell cigarettes to minors.

 

Namida Giulia has been studying the flamingo problem
for years and organized Sunday's competition. 

 

Namida Giulia, a local flamingo-control expert, came up with a clever idea to bring down the flamingo population in the Amazon. What if he could get the jungle’s top hunters to do a concentrated purge of the beasts?

That’s why Giulia organized Sunday’s Feather Hunt. The Amazon’s top flamingo hunters competed for the top prize, bringing in dozens of the pink monsters.

 

Flamingo hunter Jar Eel stands proudly with a pink villain
she captured during Sunday's hunt.

 

August Firehawk took the top prize in the event, followed by Silvia Mertel and Micke. Honorable mentions went to Waneley, Jacob Suru, Jar Eel, Beda, Daniela, Niel, Truzyn and Vassario.

Following the event, the gangs of flamingos were cooked up for a community feast. Pillows were made from the pink feathers, which were disputed to the poor.

 

August sent a strong message to the flamingo gangs: 
Citizens of the Amazon will not tolerate lawlessness.

 

Some of the monsters managed to escape the purge. While biologists are still determining the remaining population, initial estimates are that the flamingo population in the Amazon fell at least 30% as a result of Sunday’s hunt.

If you or someone you know has been victimized by a pink flamingo, please contact your local flamingo-control expert. 

 

The flamingo Jacob Suru captured proclaimed his
innocence, but was later found guilty and delicious. 

 

Local journalist Persephone Bolero-Trenton poses
in her super adorable outfit she wore to the event.

Catten's butt.