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| Silvia of the Xoco dazzles the judges with her sexy bottom Photos by Persephone Bolero-Trenton |
By Persephone Bolero-Trenton
AMAZON — The Amazon’s sexiest people lined up Wednesday to compete for the coveted title of “Best Bum in the Jungle.” While there were many fine backsides for the judges to choose from, it was Jin of The Boyz who took home the title of “Best Male Bum in the Jungle.” Silvia of the Xoco was judged to be the “Best Female Bum in the Jungle.”
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| Despite her aversion to men, Chieftess Khaing couldn't help but to be impressed by Jin's backside. |
Tapirape Shaman Whispering Wind explained to the crowd at Wednesday’s event that bum competitions are rooted in a sacred native tradition. The god Tupi, many natives believe, gave ever bum a purpose, whether it be for sitting, dancing or being admired.
“And then Tupi’s voice thundered through the jungle mist: ‘Let them be celebrated. For every bum is a prayer in motion!’ And Zazulu agreed! He shook his little monkey bottom and said, ‘A-hooo! Bless the booty!’” Shaman Wind averred before the competition began.
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| Mitch provided an impressive choreographed dance of his bottom and helicoptering penis |
The judges of the event included Amazon River Sun Publisher Persephone Bolero-Trenton, Xoco Chieftess Khaing Zar, and Tapirape member Bubba Oh. After viewing a procession of dancing bottoms of many shapes and sizes, the judges struggled to select two bums for the ultimate title.
Besides the honor of carrying home the title, the winners won a healing massage from the legendary Tapi bodyworkers and healers, Syke and Dania, whose hands, according to Shaman Wind, “are said to be softer than orchid petals and wiser than the wind. They will press, knead, and hum sacred tones until your spirit floats.’"
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| The ridiculously sexy Shui won an honor for his fit and adorable little bottom |
The winners were also granted a handful of shining gold wrapped in banana leaves and carried on a carved turtle platter.
While some of the other participants were disappointed they were not selected for the awards, they remain determined to be victorious in future competitions.
"I will start preparing with daily clenches for next year's competition,” Cattan Carter, Tapirape elder, said.
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| The judging panel featured the Amazon's most respected bum experts. |
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| Kart of the Tapirape tries hard to impressive the Xoco chieftess. |
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| Trying to still her nerves, Skye drank too much to dance. |
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| Dr. Saasha Volkova impressed the judges with her 'Surrender the Booty' tattoo. |
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| Catten's bum |
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