Paid Advertisement: Company Laptop Stolen! Reward Offered!

 

Have you seen me?

Zao Wucan, CEO of Zao Prosperity Company, LLC, offers a 20 diamond reward to whomever will return a laptop with company records.

Reached in his Amazon office for comments, Mr. Wucan notes that his old rival, Nancy Palfrey (aka Nancy Dreww) is not the likely thief. In a brief interview, as Mr. Wucan is very busy with his business ventures, he shared his reasoning.

"One, she come from Riverdale where Archie and Jughead live. They all honest and stupid Americans from Heartland, like Hardy Boys. Hang out at Pop's Soda Shop or play in bubble-gum pop band instead of working hard or even becoming clever criminals."

I refused my employer's most generous offer of a Havana Robusto, while he lit is own and went on. "Two, Nancy busy with knee-cap-breaking criminal boyfriend from New Orleans, that notorious city of sin. He been putting her legs up in air for happy-fun time all day long since Zao capture Nancy, then let her go out of kindness and respect for her family."

 

 

Zao Prosperity Company, LLC Logo

 

Mr. Wucan had previously offered a reward for the girl detective, in an attempt to get her help in releasing his brother, Wo-Fat, from a US prison. He notes that "Wo-Fat stuck for 500 years, even if he show good behavior. Still, Zao had his revenge on meddling snoop. She learn not to stick nose into international business ventures doing honest and sustainable work in jungle!"

 

He leaned back, puffing a Havana Robusto. "Zao come to conclusion that thieves must be other commercial rivals from Asia, US, or EU. Next thing you know, they try to jump Zao's claims for mining Helium-3 on Moon!"

As for the laptop, it was in use near the Skull Cave, tracking diamond-mining operations when it vanished. Mr. Wucan notes that the older Chinese computer, based on an HP design, "was refurbished to reduce carbon footprint of Zao's firm." The machine has the ZPC LLC logo on its lid and a screen-saver featuring ZPC employees known informally as "The Dim Sum Boys." The machine has several coded files of little interest to "run-of-mill criminals" but of great interest to other firms seeking to do business here.

"We family-run eco-tourism and mining concern, with lots of happy volunteer associates mining diamonds and engaging in other activities that build both body and spirit," Mr. Wucan added. "Why Amazon such cruel place to run honest business? Why not live by ZPC LLC motto instead?"

He gestured behind his teakwood desk to a large banner reading "Happiness makes Zao very happy! Happiness is the secret of business success! Everyone, be happy!"

-Press release by Miss Lotus Seed, Public Relations officer of Zao Prosperity Co. LLC.

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